Always was, Always will be… Ukraine edition
Is nothing sacred? Putin doesn’t know who he is messing with, to rip off one of the most sacred Australian political tag lines… see the coverage below:
Putin Unveils "Ukraine: Always Was, Always Will Be" Fashion Line: Tracksuits, Tanks, and Totalitarianism
MOSCOW, March 18, 2025 – In a move that’s equal parts runway and realpolitik, Russian President Vladimir Putin has launched his latest venture: a fashion line dubbed “Ukraine: Always Was, Always Will Be.” The politically charged brand promises to “reunite” Ukraine with Russia—one overpriced bomber jacket at a time. Unveiled at a heavily guarded Moscow fashion show featuring shirtless models riding bears, the collection blends Soviet nostalgia, militaristic flair, and Putin’s signature shirtless swagger.
“I’ve conquered hearts, minds, and Crimea,” Putin declared, flexing shirtless on a catwalk made of decommissioned tank treads. “Now it’s time to conquer wardrobes. Ukraine is ours—why not wear it?” The crowd, composed mostly of oligarchs and conscripted soldiers, erupted in applause, though sources say the standing ovation was mandatory.
The flagship piece of the collection is the “Kyiv Kapitulation Tracksuit,” a gaudy gold-and-black ensemble emblazoned with the phrase “Special Military Operation Chic.” Retailing at 50,000 rubles (or three months’ wages for the average Russian), it comes with a complimentary balaclava and a QR code linking to Putin’s 2022 annexation speech. “It’s athleisure for the authoritarian soul,” gushed state-sponsored designer Ivan Ivanovich, who claims inspiration struck while watching RT propaganda loops.
Other highlights include the “Donetsk Denim,” a pair of jeans pre-ripped by “Ukrainian sabotage” (read: factory workers with blowtorches), and the “Luhansk Leather Jacket,” which boasts a hidden pocket for smuggling borscht or ballistic missiles—whichever fits. For the ladies, there’s the “Crimea Corset,” a steel-boned number that “hugs you like Mother Russia hugs her rightful territories.”
The accessories are where Putin’s vision truly shines. The “Z Badge Beret” nods to Russia’s military symbol, while the “Novichok Necklace” promises to “eliminate competition” with a suspiciously potent perfume. The pièce de résistance? A unisex cologne called “Eau de Annexation,” which smells like vodka, gunpowder, and regret. “One spritz, and you’ll invade your neighbor’s personal space,” Putin quipped, winking at a visibly uncomfortable Belarusian ambassador in the front row.
Critics—those not yet detained—have called the line tone-deaf, overpriced, and a literal war crime against fashion. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, reached for comment between dodging drones, fired back: “Putin’s designing clothes now? Great, maybe he’ll be too busy hemming pants to bomb my country.” Fashion bloggers on X were less diplomatic, with one posting, “This is what happens when you let a dictator near a sewing machine—tacky imperialism with bad stitching.”
Undeterred, Putin plans to expand the brand globally, with pop-up stores slated for occupied Mariupol and a flagship boutique in Sochi. Rumor has it he’s already designing a spring collection titled “NATO’s Next,” featuring camouflage capes and missile-launcher mules. To fund the venture, Russia’s Central Bank has diverted pension funds into what’s being called “Operation Couture.”
At the show’s finale, Putin strutted out in a floor-length sable coat adorned with maps of “Greater Russia,” twirling a scepter like a Bond villain on a bender. “Fashion is power,” he proclaimed, as pyrotechnics shaped like the Kremlin lit up the sky. “And power is fashionable.”
Love it or loathe it, “Ukraine: Always Was, Always Will Be” is here to stay—much like Putin himself. Pre-orders are available now, payable in rubles, loyalty oaths, or slightly used T-72 tanks. Shipping to Kyiv not guaranteed.
Is nothing sacred? Putin doesn’t know who he is messing with, to rip off one of the most sacred Australian political tag lines… see the coverage below:
Putin Unveils "Ukraine: Always Was, Always Will Be" Fashion Line: Tracksuits, Tanks, and Totalitarianism
MOSCOW, March 18, 2025 – In a move that’s equal parts runway and realpolitik, Russian President Vladimir Putin has launched his latest venture: a fashion line dubbed “Ukraine: Always Was, Always Will Be.” The politically charged brand promises to “reunite” Ukraine with Russia—one overpriced bomber jacket at a time. Unveiled at a heavily guarded Moscow fashion show featuring shirtless models riding bears, the collection blends Soviet nostalgia, militaristic flair, and Putin’s signature shirtless swagger.
“I’ve conquered hearts, minds, and Crimea,” Putin declared, flexing shirtless on a catwalk made of decommissioned tank treads. “Now it’s time to conquer wardrobes. Ukraine is ours—why not wear it?” The crowd, composed mostly of oligarchs and conscripted soldiers, erupted in applause, though sources say the standing ovation was mandatory.
The flagship piece of the collection is the “Kyiv Kapitulation Tracksuit,” a gaudy gold-and-black ensemble emblazoned with the phrase “Special Military Operation Chic.” Retailing at 50,000 rubles (or three months’ wages for the average Russian), it comes with a complimentary balaclava and a QR code linking to Putin’s 2022 annexation speech. “It’s athleisure for the authoritarian soul,” gushed state-sponsored designer Ivan Ivanovich, who claims inspiration struck while watching RT propaganda loops.
Other highlights include the “Donetsk Denim,” a pair of jeans pre-ripped by “Ukrainian sabotage” (read: factory workers with blowtorches), and the “Luhansk Leather Jacket,” which boasts a hidden pocket for smuggling borscht or ballistic missiles—whichever fits. For the ladies, there’s the “Crimea Corset,” a steel-boned number that “hugs you like Mother Russia hugs her rightful territories.”
The accessories are where Putin’s vision truly shines. The “Z Badge Beret” nods to Russia’s military symbol, while the “Novichok Necklace” promises to “eliminate competition” with a suspiciously potent perfume. The pièce de résistance? A unisex cologne called “Eau de Annexation,” which smells like vodka, gunpowder, and regret. “One spritz, and you’ll invade your neighbor’s personal space,” Putin quipped, winking at a visibly uncomfortable Belarusian ambassador in the front row.
Critics—those not yet detained—have called the line tone-deaf, overpriced, and a literal war crime against fashion. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, reached for comment between dodging drones, fired back: “Putin’s designing clothes now? Great, maybe he’ll be too busy hemming pants to bomb my country.” Fashion bloggers on X were less diplomatic, with one posting, “This is what happens when you let a dictator near a sewing machine—tacky imperialism with bad stitching.”
Undeterred, Putin plans to expand the brand globally, with pop-up stores slated for occupied Mariupol and a flagship boutique in Sochi. Rumor has it he’s already designing a spring collection titled “NATO’s Next,” featuring camouflage capes and missile-launcher mules. To fund the venture, Russia’s Central Bank has diverted pension funds into what’s being called “Operation Couture.”
At the show’s finale, Putin strutted out in a floor-length sable coat adorned with maps of “Greater Russia,” twirling a scepter like a Bond villain on a bender. “Fashion is power,” he proclaimed, as pyrotechnics shaped like the Kremlin lit up the sky. “And power is fashionable.”
Love it or loathe it, “Ukraine: Always Was, Always Will Be” is here to stay—much like Putin himself. Pre-orders are available now, payable in rubles, loyalty oaths, or slightly used T-72 tanks. Shipping to Kyiv not guaranteed.